"I hate that tree," I say to my friend Dougald as we sit having a cup of tea on the front porch of my house. "It blocks the view and it looks like a snake pit."
Two hours later, I step outside only to find the tree half gone and Doogie up to his armpits in conifer branches. "What the hell have you done?!" I say.
"You said you hated it, now it's gone," he replies.
"Yes, but I was going to think about it for a while..."
"Nah, you just have to get in there and do it."
Country wisdom.
My friend Dougald is a farmer from Wagga who very kindly drove for five hours to deliver me a load of wood. He also said he'd give me a lesson in using my new axe, I mean log splitter.
Watching a strong country bloke sever a log with one fell swoop is quite sexy, all grace and precision. Watching a weak city chick attempt to do the same thing is just a comedy act.
I never was any good at eye-hand co-ordination. My golf swing sucks, my polo swing sucks, and I can't hit a tennis ball to save my life. I also can't place an axe exactly where I need it, my pathetic little blows just glancing off the log.
Despite Dougald's best instruction (particularly the part about keeping my legs spread so if I miss the log, I won't amputate my leg) my log splitting lesson was an epic country fail. I did, however, do a fine job of stacking the wood, and I even got distracted and pruned back an annoying rose bush.
So now I have a stack of beautiful logs that should keep me warm for a month or two at least. And I have a rather hideous stump in my front garden, the remains of the conifer that once blocked my view.
I ended up finishing off the job myself once Dougald hit the road, and actually proved far more adept with a hacksaw than with an axe. I've found my weapon of choice.
The view is indeed glorious now - it looks better already, even with the remaining stump. And my thoughts about the dense foliage being a snake pit weren't too far off track - it actually hid a stinking rats nest!
So today's Country Clueless lesson is twofold: Don't say you don't like something in your garden to a country bloke, because he'll take you at your word and get rid of it before you know it.
And secondly - don't procrastinate. Just get in there and do it.
I'm f-ing exhausted now.
Two hours later, I step outside only to find the tree half gone and Doogie up to his armpits in conifer branches. "What the hell have you done?!" I say.
"You said you hated it, now it's gone," he replies.
"Yes, but I was going to think about it for a while..."
"Nah, you just have to get in there and do it."
Country wisdom.
My friend Dougald is a farmer from Wagga who very kindly drove for five hours to deliver me a load of wood. He also said he'd give me a lesson in using my new axe, I mean log splitter.
 |
| Doogie in action |
I never was any good at eye-hand co-ordination. My golf swing sucks, my polo swing sucks, and I can't hit a tennis ball to save my life. I also can't place an axe exactly where I need it, my pathetic little blows just glancing off the log.
 |
| Oh dear... |
 |
| A little more stylish, but the axe is actually stuck IN the wood.... |
I ended up finishing off the job myself once Dougald hit the road, and actually proved far more adept with a hacksaw than with an axe. I've found my weapon of choice.
 |
| The view beyond the stump... |
So today's Country Clueless lesson is twofold: Don't say you don't like something in your garden to a country bloke, because he'll take you at your word and get rid of it before you know it.
And secondly - don't procrastinate. Just get in there and do it.
I'm f-ing exhausted now.
Onya Jules. xx
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